Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Enduring The Wait
Today is our nine month anniversary for our wait for Lydia. We logged into The China Center for Adoption Affairs on September 20,2006. According to the CCAA, we are halfway through our wait, because they are estimating 18 months from log-in to referral. When we began the wait was 10-12 months! We must, also, wait about 6-8 weeks after that before travel time. The wait right now is 2 pregnancies. God is teaching us patience and trusting in Him....His timing is best, right?Some say that the reason the wait has steadily increased over time is that there are more dossiers going to China, which is a good thing...but for some reason their work staff may be having trouble getting everything done and staying caught up...the babies are not *paper ready*, thus the wait. They have increasingly gotten behind and although there are many children available for adoption, the process is taking longer than anyone would like. But, 2 things are maybe going to make a difference in the wait...they have moved to a new bigger building since we began...and the requirements have changed as of May. This may not change the wait time for us, but it should for future families.
I feel badly for first time parents who have decided to go the route of chinese adoption...due to infertility issues...this breaks my heart! They have already endured the long waiting to see if they are pregnant...they have miscarried multiple times and some even lost full term babies. They have struggled with the fact that they know they desire for children, and that is a godly desire...but it doesn't come easy for them. They try, they wait, they realize that biologically...their bodies just can't do it. That is a heart break all its own. It is a deep pain and sorrow that I have not felt.
Then they decide to adopt internationally. What joy they feel as they imagine themselves a mommy with a baby to call their own. They would finally be a family! But, the wait has to be endured...the long wait. This is who I think the wait hurts the most. At times, I think the noble and right thing for me to do is to back out...let them go first. It doesn't seem right that I have been able to have 4 biological children and they have not. They should go first...they should receive their babies before me!
But, then I realize and know deep down that God calls all kinds of couples and families to adopt...it may be a full family like ours...it may be a childless couple who has gone through much pain. Either way, it is a blessing and a privilege. These children need families...and we are willing and able to love her and giver her a hope in Jesus Christ.
The journey is a path of great unknowns. I'm grateful that the hidden hand of providence is the One bringing it all about. We can all trust in that.
I just had to add this poem that Amanda gave me in my comments. It is so beautiful. Thank you Amanda!!!
Not Knowing” by Mary Gardiner Brainard (1837–1905)
Not knowing the things that shall befall me there.—ACTS XX. 22.
I know not what will befall me: God hangs a mist o’er my eyes;
And thus, each step of my onward path, He makes new scenes arise,
And every joy He sends to me comes like a sweet surprise.
I see not a step before me as I tread on another year;
But I’ve left the past in God’s keeping,—the future His mercy shall clear,
And what looks dark in the distance may brighten as I draw near.
For perhaps the dreaded future is less bitter than I think;
The Lord may sweeten the waters before I stoop to drink;
Or, if Marah must be Marah, He will stand beside its brink.
It may be He keeps waiting, for the coming of my feet,
Some gift of such rare blessedness, some joy so strangely sweet,
That my lips shall only tremble with the thanks they cannot speak.
O restful, blissful ignorance! ’t is blessëd not to know;
It keeps me still in those mighty arms which will not let me go,
And lulls my weariness to rest on the bosom that loves me so.
So I go on not knowing,—I would not if I might;
I would rather walk in the dark with God than go alone in the light;
I would rather walk with Him by faith than walk alone by sight.
My heart shrinks back from trials which the future may disclose,
Yet I never had sorrow but what the dear Lord chose;
So I send the coming tears back with the whispered word, “He knows.”
I am a stay at home mother to 4. I am very blessed to have a godly husband who loves the Lord and his family. I welcome the days of much needed grace,the times of sweet victories,and the tears of trials,knowing it is all for God's glory. I want my lifesong to sing to Him,the author and finisher of my faith. Soli Deo Gloria--To the Glory of God alone.
23 Comments:
I mostly lurk here . . . but I delurked because the first sentence of your last paragraph struck a cord with me.
journeys along unknown paths.
I don't know if you've read the poem “Not Knowing” by Mary Gardiner Brainard, but Here is part of it:
O restful, blissful ignorance! ’t is blessëd not to know;
It keeps me still in those mighty arms which will not let me go,
And lulls my weariness to rest on the bosom that loves me so.
So I go on not knowing,—I would not if I might;
I would rather walk in the dark with God than go alone in the light;
I would rather walk with Him by faith than walk alone by sight.
all of it can be found here: http://amanda47.blogs.com/following_an_unknown_path/2005/12/not_knowing.html
May God bless you and sustain you as you and your entire family follow this unknown path.
Here is a better link to the whole poem:
http://tinyurl.com/2dw7aa
Kim, I can't imagine how hard the wait is. It's hard to understand why they cannot get things done faster. It would be a blessing to them also to have the children placed in good homes as quickly as possible. But like you said, "God's timing is the best and He knows best.
Thankfully, He knows!
Happy 9th month, Kim! We're all waiting with you! :-)
I'm new to your blog, but it's been a blessing to read. It's so hard to wait on something you want so badly. Praying for patience for you. Just think, He's already got your baby picked out, and has the perfect time for him/her to come to you!
As one who has done a great deal of "waiting", both due to infertility and also due to international adoption (Russia) procedures, I've often reflected on the following quote I heard years ago, "Next to suffering, waiting may be the greatest tool in training for godliness."
It certainly wasn't "fun" to wait under these particular circumstances, but God ALWAYS showed Himself to be faithful and all-wise!
Your tender concern and kind words are precious--please know that you and your family continue to be in my prayers as you wait for God's perfect timing!
The Lord is good to those who wait on Him...
My heart goes out to the first-time parents too. It's hard even if you have children at home. When you know your child is "out there" how can you not want her/him with you? It's painful!
On the 22nd I'll be at 19 months and I pray I'll get mine by September which will be 21-22 months so they will have to really pick up to keep it at 18 months. Hopefully after they get through 2005 referrals they can go back to whole months again!
Love Amanda's poem!
Kim, I am so sorry your wait is so long. I have been so fervently praying that China would lessen the wait time. I know how it is to be waiting....and...I know you have heard this before, but it is worth the wait. Every minute. As I watch my no almost 3 year old daughter swimming to the arms of her 2 older brothers- it is worth every second. PLEASE email me if you want, I would love to chat. Hang in there. I am praying for your sweet family.
I meant now almost 3 year old. Sheesh.
Kim, I am praying for you today. Thank you for sharing your heart and for seeing the hearts of others who wait along with you.
Loved Amanda's poem too. Thanks for posting it.
I am always inspired by your heartfelt posts. Thank you for the poignant thoughts about the wait. God can change things and I pray He will allow the process to go quicker. Tomorrow is our homestudy and after that we hope we can finish assembling our dossier quickly and receive the I-171 soon, too. Knowing the wait is so long it doesn't seem real yet. I need to remember to take advantage of this time and really commit to earnestly praying about this baby.
I wish you and your sweet family many UNEXPECTED blessings during your wait for Lydia.
Blessings,
Lisa in San Antonio
Mother to Lindy Li-Xiao
Paperchasing for her mei mei
What a beautiful poem. And thank you for your heartfelt words, too. I pray the Lord will sustain you and your family as you continue to wait on His perfect timing.
Terri,
I didn't know it had increased that much!!! I'm sad!
Praying for your little sweetie and that you will hear something soon!
Kim
Kim, that was a beautiful poem. Thanks for passing it along. One day, you will be able to look back on this long path and see that the timing of each and every event that led to you bringing Lydia home was so perfect--but I know on this side of bringing her home, the wait must be long. But oh how exciting it will be! Praying that the time will go quickly between now and then! Blessings, Karen
Kim,
We waited nine months (China special needs adoption)and it felt like an eternity. I can't imagine how hard it is for you guys. But I do believe that God has a perfect timing for us and these babies.
God is so merciful, He is so loving and He cares for these babies even more than we ever could. It gave me great comfort to know that I could pray and He would pour His love into her.
The coolest thing happened to us on 'gotcha day' that proved to me that God had been at work in Lauren's life.
The first time I held her, she stared into my eyes with a look of recognition that cut through me. I believe with my whole heart that God had shown her us in her heart and she was seeing me in person for the first time.
I know she had seen our faces before!
Ok, I'm crying now.
(((hugs))) as you wait!
You have posted a good bit about your wait in the last couple of months. I admire your willingness to write so openly about your struggle with it. Sometimes I avoid posting about my struggles in the effort to "be encouraging" and not seem like a complainer. But I know I need to be honest, too. (now that I'm writing this comment, I realize that a post about own my status with the wait is overdue).
When I get discouraged, I ask God why he gives me such a strong desire for children, but doesn't fulfill it? I don't know the answer, but I know He is working for His glory.
A verse that several people have shared with me that has been a big encouragement is Proverbs 13:12
"Hope deferred makes the heart sick,but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life."
I have tagged you yet again!
I was wondering when you would be flying to China to bring home your little girl. So sorry you have to wait! She will have so much fun growing up in your sweet family with all those wonderful big sisters and a great big brother!!
Very sweet post. My heart breaks for the new families with infertility issues as well. The wait time is so incertain, and is a continuous lesson in relesaing control. I just posted about all the lessons that I am learning from the JOURNEY. What an experience!
I visit often, and am so blessed to read your blog. I am especially drawn to your adoption posts as we feel God is stirring our hearts for an international adoption from China as well. We are in the process of praying and trying to discern God's will for us in this area. I have spent much time reading through your posts and all of them are so uplifting and encouraging. Thank you for opening up the windows to China adoptions, your family and your faith. Have a wonderfully blessed weekend!
Beautiful post Kim. Waiting alongside you. This sentence really resonated with me."These children need families...and we are willing and able to love her and giver her a hope in Jesus Christ." - Beautiful!
Wow...beautiful poem!!!!
Your wait HAS been long, indeed!!! I can't wait for the day your wrap your arms around her....and her you!!! Doesn't it bring some tangibility to our longing for and meeting our Saviour???!!!!
Post a Comment
<< Home