It has been a long time since I have mentioned anything about our adoption process...mainly because there hasn't really been any new news. The wait continues to be long. In April it will be 5 years since we watched as our cocker spaniel attacked our social worker when he came to interview us to beging the adoption process. (Not a good start. ha!) At that time Jack Henry was 1, Evie was 3, Abigail was 11, and Gracie was 13. We were so excited to know that God was finally bringing into reality something we had only dreamed about doing. We knew God gave us a desire to adopt and could not wait to meet our daughter from China. At that time the wait was 12-14 months until referral. In just a short year or so we would have our fifth child--one we already loved so much. We KNEW God had a wonderful plan...

God's plan...not always what we think or want. Sometimes, well, a lot of times, it doesn't turn out the way we think it should. How should believers respond to this dissapointment? I'm still learning this and will continue to learn as long as I am on this earth. But, the great joy comes in trusting in the hands that NEVER fail. God does not fail and His ways are ALWAYS good and right. He never changes. Boy, I sure do. I change all the time it seems, especially lately. One day I am energetic, upbeat, motivated...and then the next day I can be tired and feeling sad...emotions and feelings come and go...but God's Word says that He is always the same. When my heart really grasps what that means, I can rest and be assured that He is God and my life is in the hands that NEVER fail!

I'm not sure how long the wait still is...I've heard different things. I don't know if it really matters at this point. Mike and I have talked some lately and we are just not sure what this means for us. We are not sure if it is God's plans for us to adopt now. We have lots of questions. We never thought the wait would be this long. The funny thing is that we know of families that have adopted 2 children from China in the exact time we have been waiting...they chose special needs. Mike and I prayed about this and we never were 100% willing to go that route. I think with my father being ill and some other things going on, we didn't feel that special needs was right for us. We know it is not for everybody.

We are thrilled for those who are adopting and have adopted...but I still sometimes question why God gave us such a strong desire to adopt, if it was not going to happen...why? I'm not shaking my fist angrily at God asking why...it is more of a tearful wondering...God, why were our hearts so full and excited about something that was a good God honoring thing...we had a desire to care for one of your orphans, God...why did you not allow that? I sometimes think, did we do something wrong...should we have adopted domestically...should we have gone with Ethiopia...Guatemala? Did we do something out of God's will that caused it to not be *right*? Lots of questions. But, my final thought in all of this is...I am going to trust in the hands that NEVER fail....those loving hands never fail me or do anything that is not in His perfect will. His ways are best and I want to lovingly and JOYFULLY submit to whatever He wants to do.

Mike and I ran into a sweet friend, who used to be a member of our church, last night. I adore this lady and think of her sweet family often. One of the first things she asked was if we ever adopted our baby from China...we explained about the wait and told her we just were not sure what was going to happen at this point. She said something that is so true and wise...She said..."Think about all that was gained through this process...nothing was a loss because God taught you both so much during this time." It is so true. There are great truths to learn in disappointing times and learning to say...God, you know what is best is one of the sweetest attitudes of the heart.

I don't always believe and live out those words, though...I question and I strive to understand. Thankfully God is patient with me and His grace remnds me to do what I need to do...put my trust in Him in EVERYTHING.