Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Here, Dear, Have a Bite....
I have been going through Elyse Fitzpatrick's book called Helper By Design. The focus of this book is on God's ordained calling on the roles of husband and wife. It all started in the garden when Eve was deceived to overule God's perfect plan of order. Through Biblical explanation, Elyse gives much exhortation to women to be a helper to our husbands. We should become a companion who offers help to strengthen, comfort, and protect our husbands...we should become what he really needs...a helper to fulfill his God given calling.
Elyse says:
When we find ourselves tempted to not be a helper to our husbands and possibly want to rule over him, then we should ask ourselves some questions and meditate on scripture to help our hearts stay pure and right before God.
Elyse has these questions in her book:
How many times do we see an easy fix to a tough situation, assuming that we know best? In some ways we can offer real help and wisdom to our husbands...but, most of the time it is my own sinful heart that motivates my attempts to over rule my husband's rule and protection. I can be a lot like Eve if I let my guard down.
Some ways that I let my guard down and become sinful as a wife:
1)I allow my hormones to dictate how I respond and act towards my husband...I have to always be fighting against this. Just being aware of it helps me to control my attitude and not sin...but sometimes, when I am not thinking about it, I can allow sinful thoughts and actions to become dominant.
2) I think I know best and that God may be wanting us to go in a certain direction...although, I think it is fine to discuss my views on things and even give my opinion on what we should do, I must allow for my husband to lead out and make decisions on what he thinks is best for our family.
3) By getting upset or feeling sorry for myself when I don't think my husband is listening to my needs, thus, doing what I want...basically what I am doing when this happens is...I am willing to submit if it is what I want...that's not real submission, is it?
4) By getting impatient and not trusting in God's timing. My husband is the type that does not make decisions flippantly or quickly (which is a good thing! : )...it is only after adequate research, prayer, and lots of time that he makes important decisions...or even small ones sometimes. I have a tendency to become impatient and to not want to wait on God to work through my husband's leadership. Once again, I think I might know best.
God has blessed me with a godly husband who I adore and am so thankful for. We will be married 20 years this summer--that is so hard to believe. God has a very important plan for us...a plan that requires his leadership and my submissiveness. As we grow in our love for one another, God has been growing us to see His ways. I can remember our first year of marriage...I was immature and selfish among many other things. I still am, but by God's grace, I am learning over the years how to bless my husband and how to be a true helpmeet to him. It is a process and one I still see my own failures in, but as I seek the Lord, He gives me what I need to always have a way out of sinful choices. I want to glorify God in my marriage.
Elyse says:
It's pretty obvious to me that the main struggle in our relationships with our husbands is in the area of ruling; both in our calling to rule with them and in their rule over us. When Satan tempted Eve, he wasn't doing so because she was stupid, but rather because he wanted to attack God's designed order, something Satan hates. He enticed Eve to lead Adam, to become more important to him than she should have been; he wanted Adam to obey and worship her, rather than God. He duped her into subverting her role as helper. "Hear dear, have a bite" was a perversion of her created nature as helper who was to assist her husband in serving God. Satan continues to bring confusion about our role as rulers and managers of our garden--the household(1 Timothy 5:14)--all the while seeking to create discontent with God.
When we find ourselves tempted to not be a helper to our husbands and possibly want to rule over him, then we should ask ourselves some questions and meditate on scripture to help our hearts stay pure and right before God.
Elyse has these questions in her book:
1) As a woman and a wife, do you find joy in God's order for the family? What do you struggle with most?
2) What has God specifically called your husband to rule over? How focused are you on helping him do that? Do you partner with him in that, seeking his highest good?
3)In what ways have you sought to take the place of God in your husband's life, perhaps by expecting him to put you and your desires before faithful obedience to God?
4)In what ways have you made your husband your God, perhaps by basing your faithful obedience to God on his obedience or by neglecting God's specific gifting in your life?
5) How well are you doing with comanaging and ruling your home with your husband? (1 Timothy 3:4; 5:14) Are you intentionally seeking God's guidance and wisdom in the areas that your husband has delegated to you?
How many times do we see an easy fix to a tough situation, assuming that we know best? In some ways we can offer real help and wisdom to our husbands...but, most of the time it is my own sinful heart that motivates my attempts to over rule my husband's rule and protection. I can be a lot like Eve if I let my guard down.
Some ways that I let my guard down and become sinful as a wife:
1)I allow my hormones to dictate how I respond and act towards my husband...I have to always be fighting against this. Just being aware of it helps me to control my attitude and not sin...but sometimes, when I am not thinking about it, I can allow sinful thoughts and actions to become dominant.
2) I think I know best and that God may be wanting us to go in a certain direction...although, I think it is fine to discuss my views on things and even give my opinion on what we should do, I must allow for my husband to lead out and make decisions on what he thinks is best for our family.
3) By getting upset or feeling sorry for myself when I don't think my husband is listening to my needs, thus, doing what I want...basically what I am doing when this happens is...I am willing to submit if it is what I want...that's not real submission, is it?
4) By getting impatient and not trusting in God's timing. My husband is the type that does not make decisions flippantly or quickly (which is a good thing! : )...it is only after adequate research, prayer, and lots of time that he makes important decisions...or even small ones sometimes. I have a tendency to become impatient and to not want to wait on God to work through my husband's leadership. Once again, I think I might know best.
God has blessed me with a godly husband who I adore and am so thankful for. We will be married 20 years this summer--that is so hard to believe. God has a very important plan for us...a plan that requires his leadership and my submissiveness. As we grow in our love for one another, God has been growing us to see His ways. I can remember our first year of marriage...I was immature and selfish among many other things. I still am, but by God's grace, I am learning over the years how to bless my husband and how to be a true helpmeet to him. It is a process and one I still see my own failures in, but as I seek the Lord, He gives me what I need to always have a way out of sinful choices. I want to glorify God in my marriage.
I am a stay at home mother to 4. I am very blessed to have a godly husband who loves the Lord and his family. I welcome the days of much needed grace,the times of sweet victories,and the tears of trials,knowing it is all for God's glory. I want my lifesong to sing to Him,the author and finisher of my faith. Soli Deo Gloria--To the Glory of God alone.
17 Comments:
I loved reading this, Kim. This is never a topic we women like to focus on, but necessary. I such a control person and have a hard time letting go and letting my husband do his job in our marriage. But, when I do I'm blessed abundantly and my confidence in Him grows. It's a decision I have to make conciously - it doesn't come easily. Thanks for posting.
Oh can I see myself in so many of the things you listed. You once again have inspired me to look at myself and examine if I am truly following God and what He wants of me.
I haven't been reading blogs lately because that gets pushed to the bottom of my list when life gets busy. All three of the boys are playing baseball right now, so we're gone watching them a lot(which I love to do). I have missed reading what you have to share!
The hormonal thing gets me way too many times! But like you, if I focus to be aware of it, that really helps. I sometimes have a very hard time with control and my way. And I'm starting to see that no matter what excuses I use to explain away why I am that way, it comes down to the bottom line of sin and not being in God's Word to seek His ways.
I agree with you and susanne -- being aware of the hormones helps me not allow them to rule over me in the way I respond to my husband and others. I love the title you put on this post, BTW.
Such a great post, Kim, and a good kind of conviction.
I really resonated with the examples and your own personal vulnerability as I struggle in some similar areas as well. It's good to know I'm not alone in that boat.
Thank you for continuing to press each of us onto excellence. I appreciate you.
What a helpful post Kim. I have just added this book to my wishlist, it sounds great and one that I need to read.
Terrific thoughts!
Just last night I allowed myself to feel sorry for myself because I was tired and wanted to put the kiddos to bed, and hubby wasn't moving towards that goal quick enough!
I actually had the conscious thought, "I have told him a hundred times to get them to bed BEFORE he runs his night-time routine!!" Yeah, that sounds like submission :-{
Thanks for the reminder...even if it did owie a bit!!!
Two things:
First, I dreamed the other night that my family came to your house for dinner and drove back home that night...to Texas! LOL!!
Second, I just did a great meme and I would LOVE for you to do it, too so consider yourself tagged.
; )
Kim~
This is truly an amazing post, and one that we as woman, need to HEAR!!
I'm SO thankful that my husband is my covering, and just as you've stated, it's so easy for "me" to get in the way of what God wants to do.
God certainly knew what he was doing when he created Men!!!
Have a blessed week....
Kim~
Wonderful honest post! I so wish I had been given biblical counsel when we were first married (18 years this fall!) because so many of the selfish struggles would have not existed. I am grateful for the unveiling of these truths in my marriage now and it is such a blessing when obedience rules my heart. Thanks Kim!
Kim~
Always important things to remember. Thank you for reminding me to allow Don to be the spiritual leader and be better at submitting...
Love,
Lisa
Hi! Thanks for your comment. :) I probably would have known it was you since I grew up in that church and know some of the people you talk about sometimes. :) Great post!
Great topic, Kim. I'm currently reading The Excellent Wife by M Peace and it's been wonderful. Maybe I should follow it up with this book...I want my marriage to be a priority, and my kids to see me living that out. Blessings...
hey, kim
does the author adress the curse upon the woman? if so, what is her position on "desire"
She mentions it, but does not make a huge point of it(I wish she would have address it more)...obviously it means the woman will want to be in charge and be tempted to *rule* over her husband. Her point of submission is pretty clear, though.
Do you question about this book or the author? Just wondering...I have read only one of her other books, so this is a new one.
Thanks for the reply, Kim. I am completely unfamiliar with the author, so I have no opinion about her or her writings.
The reason I asked is because the subject of the curse on the woman is one I have been wrestling with a little over the last year and a half or so. The problem is, that in the Hebrew, it is completely un-obvious as to the exact meaning of "desire." There are two distinct possibilities that change the entire meaning of the curse. Top theologians and Hebrew scholars that I trust wiegh in as polar opposites on this one. Maybe I'll lay it out on my blog when I get a chance.
I would love to read what you come up with...I have only known of the one interpretation that I mentioned. Thanks for your thoughts.
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