Friday, January 25, 2008
Devoloping Godly Relationships During the Teen Years
As Paul David Tripp says, the teen years are an *Age of Opportunity*...the world sees it as a turbulent time of raging hormones and rebellion. We see it differently. It is a time in life when what is in the heart makes it way out, which can be good or bad...that is a good thing for parents, because we can see what is in their hearts and help in dealing with it. When our children are young, like Evie and Jack Henry's age, we still see manifestations of what is in the heart, but we are in control...we can control their behavior...we can control who their friends are, we can control what they watch and listen to. Our children, when they are young, usually like what we like and seem to function well under our control. As they grow older and gain more independence and freedom, which is all natural and good, we tend to see things that have either been in the heart all along and we are so sad to see it, or we see the things in the heart that God has been working on in them and we are full of joy. I think, for the most part,we see a little of both.
I love the relationship I have with my oldest daughter. She is a joy to watch mature and grow. I don't want this to sound like a bragging session...it really is not. It is just a testimony to the goodness of God in our relationship. God has given us such kindred spirits...we are very like minded in lots of areas which is such a blessing!
We have discussed and read about developing godly relationships during these years...we have agreed and disagreed at times...we have discussed other people and things we observe in their character, we have discussed young men we know and what kinds of things to look for in a future husband, we have discussed friendships with other girls--the ungodliness of some of those relationships and the ways God wants us to learn and grow during those relationships, and we have also discussed the relationships we should have with our parents and siblings...We are constantly evaluating and learning as we go.
One of the greatest joys we have shared together is the like-mindedness we have in the area of dating and courtship...whatever term you use, to us it just refers to the relationships with boys and how that can be godly or ungodly. She is so biblical in her thinking on this topic and I commend her for reading so many books on it and studying God's word as she seeks God's plans for her life. Her desire for a pure heart and a lifestyle that reflects Christ has been so refreshing. I pray that God will continue to work in her heart to bring about His purposes for her. She still has a lot to learn,don't we all? It is a learning process for us all....sometimes I think more so for us, the parents. I know the Lord has humbled me many times when I thought I was right...Or when I was standing my ground on something...When really the Lord was trying to teach ME something about my utter selfishness and pride. Parenting has a way of doing that to us, doesn't it?
I'd like to spend the next week or so writing about this topic because 1)I think it is so crucial in today's world to seek how to glorify God in the area of godly relationships. 2)It is a topic I enjoy discussing with my daughters in preparing them for the future. 3) Maybe it can stir up some conversations with your older children and find out what is in their hearts. 4) It helps me to see how much we really need to trust in God as we guide our teens through this time in their lives.
I love the relationship I have with my oldest daughter. She is a joy to watch mature and grow. I don't want this to sound like a bragging session...it really is not. It is just a testimony to the goodness of God in our relationship. God has given us such kindred spirits...we are very like minded in lots of areas which is such a blessing!
We have discussed and read about developing godly relationships during these years...we have agreed and disagreed at times...we have discussed other people and things we observe in their character, we have discussed young men we know and what kinds of things to look for in a future husband, we have discussed friendships with other girls--the ungodliness of some of those relationships and the ways God wants us to learn and grow during those relationships, and we have also discussed the relationships we should have with our parents and siblings...We are constantly evaluating and learning as we go.
One of the greatest joys we have shared together is the like-mindedness we have in the area of dating and courtship...whatever term you use, to us it just refers to the relationships with boys and how that can be godly or ungodly. She is so biblical in her thinking on this topic and I commend her for reading so many books on it and studying God's word as she seeks God's plans for her life. Her desire for a pure heart and a lifestyle that reflects Christ has been so refreshing. I pray that God will continue to work in her heart to bring about His purposes for her. She still has a lot to learn,don't we all? It is a learning process for us all....sometimes I think more so for us, the parents. I know the Lord has humbled me many times when I thought I was right...Or when I was standing my ground on something...When really the Lord was trying to teach ME something about my utter selfishness and pride. Parenting has a way of doing that to us, doesn't it?
I'd like to spend the next week or so writing about this topic because 1)I think it is so crucial in today's world to seek how to glorify God in the area of godly relationships. 2)It is a topic I enjoy discussing with my daughters in preparing them for the future. 3) Maybe it can stir up some conversations with your older children and find out what is in their hearts. 4) It helps me to see how much we really need to trust in God as we guide our teens through this time in their lives.
I am a stay at home mother to 4. I am very blessed to have a godly husband who loves the Lord and his family. I welcome the days of much needed grace,the times of sweet victories,and the tears of trials,knowing it is all for God's glory. I want my lifesong to sing to Him,the author and finisher of my faith. Soli Deo Gloria--To the Glory of God alone.
13 Comments:
I LOVE your posts. My only is 4.5 and reading Christian women's blogs who share their wisdom for what is to come, just lifts my spirit. What a blessing you are Kim!
Oh, Kim! I hope you continue with this series. My oldest daughter is almost 9, so we're are getting nearer and nearer to important talks like the ones you are having with your daughter. I need all the encouragement and advice I can get!!
It is so crucial to have an open relationship with your teen. After years in ministry, we saw many parents who did a great job keeping communication with their teen a priority. Many seemed to give their influence over to friends, though. As a mommy to two daughters, I am praying daily for the wisdom to teach them about how to relate to others, in a way that is godly and pure. Thanks for sharing!
She's adorable and looks like her Mommy. :) Thanks for the word up. God Bless.
Well, I am so thankful that you have such a good relationship with that gal because you are gonna need LOTS of talking. She's gorgeous! I am trying hard to keep those lines open here too....I really want her to be able to trust us with her heart, but more importantly, to look to God.
Kim, Gracie is so blessed to have you as a mother and to have such a close relationship with you. I know that my own mother and I have discussed matters of dating/courtship/relationships so many times, and we continue to do so. A close, open relationship with my mother is something I truly cherish, and I pray that you and your girls will continue to have close bonds.
I look forward to reading your series of posts on this topic!
I wish I had more time to write about his! I am so glad you have this on your heart. I have been so convicted to share my thoughts and God's word on this subject.
So many people (parents) feel like it is an impossible task to raise teenagers who make Godly choices, but God's provision is amazing! Everyone focuses on what is forbidden, but the truth lies in their hearts. If we don't plant those truths when they are young they will struggle to take root when they are older.
Seeing my daughter grow with a hearts desire for the things that *God* wants is evidence of the fruit in her life and not just the rules and guidelines that we have set up.
We must be deliberate in every way! I am going to love this set of posts!
Great post and idea for a series, Kim. I am blessed to enjoy a relationship with my teen daughter like the one you describe with your precious daughter. I was just thinking this week (again) what a blessing our relationship truly is!
We are in the thick of reading and discussing the boy issue, seeing how other Christian families are choosing to approach this for themselves, and she is seeking how she can best glorify God in this area of her life. Above all, she sees the importance of doing her husband good and not harm ALL the days of her life, and realizing that starts NOW, not just after they're married.
I look forward to your posts on this, too. It's always good to discuss it with other moms of teens.
I've read Tripp's book, "Sheparding a Childs' Heart", I did not know he had a book about parenting teens, I need to read that! thanks for posting this! btw, your daughter is a beauty!
In Christ,
angela
It is a book written by Ted Tripp's brother with the same message on dealing with their hearts...it is excellent!
Looking forward to reading these!
Looking forward to reading these too!
Your daughter is beautiful, looks a lot like you!
Can't wait for this series to continue!!
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