You won't find a verse that says, *Do not spend time dating in your teens years*...it does not say that. In fact many young teen age girls were married and raising families many years ago, when that was the custom of that particular time. Also, during that time in history girls were living pure lives and who they married was usually the first love of their life...there were not many others before they met. There was an innocence to that time that I do appreciate.

We live in a different time now and as parents, we must be discerning of the times and help our children see how to make wise choices in the midst of chaos,worldliness, and sexual impurity. We knew when our children were younger that dating was going to be a big issue. Relationships with the opposite sex were going to be a challenge, but we were up for it. We knew, even then, that we would need a plan on how to go about handling this in the most Biblically wise way that we could. I know this topic is a gray area, in a way, because scripture does not teach one way or the other about it, but purity is a biblical issue, and we had to have a plan on how we would help our children remain pure physically, emotionally, and spiritually--as a way to glorify God first, but also honor their future husband and honor their parents in the process.

First of all, we have seen that there is a need to teach purity to them at very young ages.(See my post below) We have taught them about modesty and honoring the Lord through how they dress since they were tiny little girls. We have been very deliberate in choices in the area of swimsuits, shorts, etc through the years. We have taught them that dressing modestly also helps the boys stay pure...so it is not just for their own purity, but others as well. We are doing that with 5 year old Evie now. Now, we are not perfect, and I am sure we have made not so good choices every single time...who has??? But, this has been an emphasis and one we do not take lightly. Their daddy previews everything we buy before tags are removed so even if mom thinks it is okay, if daddy says it is too tight or whatever, it has to go back. They know this and really try hard to choose things that are modest...when they were young, I think it was to please mom and dad, but now we are seeing that they see the bigger picture and are desiring to please the Lord and be a blessing to others.

I think about the boys in the youth group at our church...I really want their hearts to remain pure, after all, you never know who our daughter is going to marry(It could be one of them). I think it is a great thing for my daughters to be thinking of their brothers in Christ and trying to dress in a way that helps them, too. I'm not saying they wear sacks and look ugly...it is okay to be pretty and dress nice, within reason, but hopefully they are not trying to call attention to themselves through how they dress and they are not causing a young man to stumble. This is our goal...do we always do it perfectly right, no, but we are working on this everyday actually...always examining what we are wearing and thinking on what will honor the Lord.

Now, you are thinking what does this have to do with dating and courtship? A LOT! We are trying to make our girls think about serving with young men--side by side--whether it is mission/evangelistic type service or serving our church body through various ways. We are dressing to honor the Lord, not get a date. There is a difference. We want the girls to be friends with the guys, so that they see them as fellow Christians, not potential dates. A little different from what the worlds says, I think. We think it builds respect towards the guys and hopefully the guys will respect how we are raising our daughters.

We have a little joke in our family...I'll let you in on it. We always say this is the *observing stage* for our teen girls...I know it is not funny to you, but it is in our family. My girls can openly talk to us about boys...character traits they have observed, bad character traits they see...even if someone seems really nice or cute. That is fine, because they are allowed to *observe*. We, as a family, are observing all the young men out there, too. We know God will bring about His perfect plans for our children, but we are trying to use wisdom in teaching our girls what to look for and what to notice as something to be concerned over. We know there are no perfect people out there, but there are some character traits to look for. So, even when our girls were little we worked on lists. I've shared this before on my blog, so you know I won't share my girls exact list, but this one is pretty good from Michael Farris' book. These are things we have discussed through the years. Something for you to think about with your teen or children. We began discussing these things when our girls were as young as six or seven.

1)He must be a born again Christian,able to give testimony to his salvation.

2)He should be patient

3)He should be kind

4)He should not be envious

5)He should be humble

6)He should not be easily angered

7)He should not hold a grudge

8)He should not delight in evil

9)He should rejoice with the Truth

10)He must be a protector

11)He should be trusting

12)He should have hope

13)He must persevere

14)He should be loving

15)He should be joyful

16)He should be good

17)He should be peaceful

18)He should be faithful

19)He should be gentle

20)He must have self control

21)He must be a hard worker

22)He must love the Lord with all of his heart,soul,mind,and body

23)He should walk in God's ways

24)He must hold fast to the Lord

25)He should not worry,but turn to God in prayer

26)He should press onward toward the goal

27)He should build others up with his words

28)He must not have a hint of immorality or impurity

29)He must not joke coarsely or say inappropriate things

30)He must not be greedy

31)He must not be yoked with unbelievers

32)He should be the salt of the earth and light of the world and obey the great commission

33)He must like children and see them as a blessing

34)He must be committed to attending church regularly

35)He should keep his priorities straight

36)He must have a sense of humor

37)Mom and Dad must like him and approve of him

38)He must be prepared to support a family

39)He must be prepared to be the spiritual leader of his home

40)He must be committed to staying out of debt

41)He must be open to homeschooling

42)He must have some kind of musical ability(this is her preference)

43)He must be attractive to me

44)He must have daily quiet times with the Lord

Now you may be asking, we will ever allow our daughter to go on an actual date? Or, how will we handle dating/courtship while she is away at college? Or what if she knows that someone she meets in her youth group is God's future husband for her? How will we handle those kinds of things? I will answer those important questions and others in my next post! But, just to let you know...we are learning these things as we go and by no means consider ourselves experts on this. Our convictions have led us to where we are today...it is not about a set of rules with our children, but more about training and teaching them to think with their hearts, with Scripture as their guide--what is best and most pleasing to the Lord.

Gracie just sent me this video on my facebook....so I thought I would share. Yes, we communicate on our facebooks sometimes...it's a big house. Ha!