Update: After Mike and I have looked a little closer at the book I mentioned below, I think it has a few things in it that I am not sure we are ready to discuss with our daughters...especially the 13 year old...so I can't 100% recommend this book...you will just need to preview it before reading it with your daughters. It has a lot of good things in it, but some of the topics seem a little bit too much for my girls...they are not faced with most of these *lies*, so I am not comfortable exposing them all to them at this point...we may just go over some of it and discuss the ones I want to.


Do you have Nancy Leigh Demoss' new book for young women, *Lies Young Women Believe*? It just came out and is available through Revive Our Hearts. I bought 3 copies for my girls and I to go through together...so tonight while they are at their much anticipated Father/Daughter banquet(pictures and post about this will come later!), I have been previewing it a bit. It looks wonderful...and I kinda like the format...more of a teen catchy look with interesting quizzes and lists to go along with her Biblically sound teaching for young women. I think my girls are going to love it!

One of the first things I saw when skimming through the book was a list called: Top Ten List of Things To Bust the Boy-craziness...that caught my attention! First, I must say that, thankfully, my girls are not boy crazy like I was...oh, if I had only had the equipping and Biblical guidance that my daughters have been blessed with...maybe I would have avoided all the silly and sinful things I did as a teen girl. My girls have learned so much from great books, our guidance, and our wonderful church...they they have understood from a young age the dangers to their hearts from the emotional issues that come from giving their hearts away too soon...plus, just the focus on the Lord at this age does not give a whole lot of time to be chasing boys.

Here is how Nancy Leigh Demoss says to *Bust the Boy-craziness*:

10) Go on a mission trip.

9) Read Passion and Purity by Elizabeth Elliot.

8)Begin a journal to your future husband.

7)Write a list of your future husband's qualities.

6) Get a mentor to talk about it.

5) Exercise or get involved in sports.

4) Invest time in the man of your life--your dad!

3) Hang out with friends who aren't boy crazy.

2) Create a list of great movies and books that don't fuel impure thoughts and romance.

1) Write love letters to God.

Also, this caught me eye:

The Lie: I need a boyfriend.

The Truth: The purpose of marriage is not happiness, but to glorify God. Ephesians 5:31-32

The Truth: God does not want you to awaken love until the time is right. Song of Solomon 2:7

I think this book is going to be great for covering these issues of purity that we are teaching our girls. I can't wait to start it next week with them. I will post on some of the things we are learning...but if anyone wants to go through the book along with us, let me know. That would be fun to have a mother/daughter study going on together!

I wanted to address the role of the fathers in the courtship/dating process. We all know that it is the father's responsibility to be protecting, teaching, and guiding us as well as our children in spiritual matters. My husband takes this very seriously and has thought through a lot of these things. One book that has been really been helpful to Mike is *Her Hand In Marriage* by Douglas Wilson. The emphasis of this book is on the courtship model and it gives very practical ways to help us work through this. One important point that this book makes is that the trust has to be there between the children and the fathers through little things all through their lives, so that they can learn to trust their fathers through the big things like courtship and marriage. Fathers must not be a dictator type, but instead should be shepherds of the child's heart, so that they(the daughters) love, respect, and TRUST their father. This is very important. Once they get to the teen years, they will have learned that either their father can be trusted or that their father does not know what is best. This is vital to the years of meeting boys and planning on marriage...who that will be and the role the dad plays in all of that.

Once the authority is in place and the relationship is loving and secure, a father will guide his daughter through these wonderful years with grace, confidence, and virtue. So, Mike's role in all of this is so much greater than mine. I can teach my daughters the wonderful Biblical principles on purity and waiting on God's plans for their life...but their father will be the one who will be in authority over the whole situation. What a relief for me!

Some things Mike has stated for these courtship years are:

1) The young man must approach him first. Any request must not be granted easily. Not only will Mike meet with a young suitor, but he will be learning about the young man's background, lifestyle, family life, and relationship with his peers.

2) If Gracie(I am just using her name because she is the first one we will go through this with) is approached by a young man and they do not know to come to Mike first, she must explain that to him. If this is handled correctly, this will be a relief for Gracie. Douglas Wilson says in his book:

If the father has always shown her that he seeks her welfare under the authority of God's Word, then she can rest secure. This is security for her because she knows her father will protect her.

3)Mike will explain to anyone interested in a courtship/dating relationship with our daughter in a kind way that he must keep his lips and hands off of her...and he will always be asking things like...Are you dealing uprightly with my daughter. It will be a relationship of accountability...but, since they will not do too much alone,hopefully this will not need to be asked too much. The young man will know first off that he will be helping us to protect the emotional and moral purity of our daughter.

So, now to one of questions from my last post on this topic. Will Gracie ever be allowed to go on a date alone with a young man? It depends...1)On who he is, 2)What they would be doing and 3)How long she would be gone...For example, there is a homeschool banquet for 11th and 12th graders in a city close to us...if she was to be asked to go during those grades, we might possibly allow it if it is a boy we know very well and it is just for this special occasion. There are a few young men that we have observed at our church that would be suitable for this type of banquet *date* and possibly even for courtship, but we, of course, do not know God's plans for these things, so we will handle those things as they arise. If Gracie was to be in a courtship relationship in the future we would probably allow some outings for them by themselves, such as a hike, a trip to a local coffee house, or maybe even dinner out. But, I hope they would enjoy being with their families and we could do things in families or with other friends...that would be best.

What about if she is away at college? How will we do this? A great question and one we have thought about...but we still need to think on it some more...email and lots of visits will play a big part in this. More to come...