Thursday, February 28, 2008
A Humble Apology
I must apologize to you, my readers, on a recent book recommendation. I recently bought 3 copies of Lies Young Women Believe for me and my girls to go through and I know it has some good content in it...but I have been disturbed by some of the case scenarios and lies mentioned.
I know there are girls that could benefit from this book, but not mine. In Lies Women Believe(the original), Nancy Leigh Demoss speaks of protecting your children from evil and not exposing them to it...this new book seems, in my opinion, to be exposing young girls to evil scenarios that they would not even know about if they had not read it in this book. My oldest daughter had read ahead and said it disturbed her!
After previewing it more, I can not recommend it to you...in fact, we are not going to read it together at all....thankfully, we had only done the introduction. I read ahead some more last night after a conversation about the first chapter with someone at church...she was concerned about it,too...and after reading a few chapters, my husband and I decided that we would not read this book with them.
That makes me sad...we had been looking forward to this book coming out for months!
I am so sorry to you...because I did speak about it in this post...and if some of you bought it because of my recommendation, I am really sorry. I think maybe it would be better for older girls...maybe 16 and older...
Next time, I will read a book thoroughly before ever recommending it on my blog. Please accept my apologies. I have learned a great lesson here...I thought I could trust this book and the authors...so I assumed something...you really can't assume when it comes to what is going into your children's hearts and minds.
By the way, I really like Nancy Leigh Demoss and her other books are outstanding as well as her radio show. This book is just not for us. It would probably be fine for others going through some of these things and/or older girls.
Again, I am sorry.
I know there are girls that could benefit from this book, but not mine. In Lies Women Believe(the original), Nancy Leigh Demoss speaks of protecting your children from evil and not exposing them to it...this new book seems, in my opinion, to be exposing young girls to evil scenarios that they would not even know about if they had not read it in this book. My oldest daughter had read ahead and said it disturbed her!
After previewing it more, I can not recommend it to you...in fact, we are not going to read it together at all....thankfully, we had only done the introduction. I read ahead some more last night after a conversation about the first chapter with someone at church...she was concerned about it,too...and after reading a few chapters, my husband and I decided that we would not read this book with them.
That makes me sad...we had been looking forward to this book coming out for months!
I am so sorry to you...because I did speak about it in this post...and if some of you bought it because of my recommendation, I am really sorry. I think maybe it would be better for older girls...maybe 16 and older...
Next time, I will read a book thoroughly before ever recommending it on my blog. Please accept my apologies. I have learned a great lesson here...I thought I could trust this book and the authors...so I assumed something...you really can't assume when it comes to what is going into your children's hearts and minds.
By the way, I really like Nancy Leigh Demoss and her other books are outstanding as well as her radio show. This book is just not for us. It would probably be fine for others going through some of these things and/or older girls.
Again, I am sorry.
I am a stay at home mother to 4. I am very blessed to have a godly husband who loves the Lord and his family. I welcome the days of much needed grace,the times of sweet victories,and the tears of trials,knowing it is all for God's glory. I want my lifesong to sing to Him,the author and finisher of my faith. Soli Deo Gloria--To the Glory of God alone.
23 Comments:
Kim thank you for the update. As a book reviewer myself I to have to be careful what I "put out there" even with authors I know and respect.
Thanks for sharing, Kim! That is really good to know!!! And I'm so sorry your daugther read parts that disturbed her : ( . I trust the Lord allowed you to minister to her through that! This is a good lesson learned for me too b/c I'm quick to suggest books by authors I trust even if I haven't read them : ( Thanks for sharing wisdom learned!
Thanks for the update, Kim. I totally understand how comfortable you felt, especially since she has written a similar book.
Your careful discernment is one of the reasons I value your opinion ;)
Blessings!
I just wanted to ask if you do recommend The Lies Women Believe-(the original.) A friend of mine just gave me the book, but, I haven't read it yet. Thank you
Yes! That one is really good..and I may not agree with everything 100%, but it is a very good book!!!
I wish this new one was like that.
thanks for the heads up ! and don't beat yourself up over it! Not a problem!
In Christ,
angela
Thanks, Kim. I referenced this book on my blog, too. But, only because I love the original so much. A lesson learned! I haven't recommended it to my SS class, but was planning to use it as a tool if circumstances came up. It may still be good for that, just not to share as a bible study tool. Thanks for posting!
I was thinking of buying this book for a young girl I know, but perhaps I'd better read it first!
Thanks for the heads up. And your humble spirit is very appreciated!
I value your opinion too, and I'm glad you let us know....thanks. :-)
Another perspective on disturbing material may help. Whether or not we want them to, our children are going to encounter very disturbing situations. Short of keeping them in a bubble we can't prevent this from happening. Wouldn't it be better if they encountered them first in a book they read with their loving parents? I think this is an excellent way for us to convey our values to our children, and may help them to make good choices in their own lives.
I have yet to read the book, but I do intend to read it. I'll probably let you know what I thought of it once I have read it through. Thanks for the heads up!!
Kim, I have read this book, too, and know that we will not be going through it together at this time. I can't say whether we will go through it when the girls are much older or not, BUT I would encourage you to finish the book. There are chapters that I am going to go through with them that I think are great! The authors address some real heart issues without the scenarios that are foreign (and disturbing) to our girls, but familiar to the world. I would also say that this book isn't written just for the girl that grows up in a godly, Christian home. There were many interviews from all walks of life. From what I understand, some of these case studies are real life situations that Dannah and Nancy have dealt with. Our girls find themselves in a very different world and praise God for that. Other girls may find that they LIVE in that world, sadly. But the Lord could use it to bring them to Christ or to grow in Him.
Anyway, I just wanted to encourage you to sift through it. It is like everything else, we have to read and discern what would be best for our family at this time. But I would encourage all women to not throw out the baby with the bath water, so to speak. I don't think you are doing that, but I would hate for women to stay completely away from this book, too. There is some great stuff in there.
Thanks for your humility and openness. I so enjoy your blog!
One more thing......when Nancy was asked what age group this was best for or written for......her response was the older teen to early twenties. Parents need to keep that in mind.
Thanks for the thoughts on this Kim. I also have done the womens book and like it very much. I love Nancy Leigh De Moss too and just assumed it would be great. Thanks for your honest thoughts on this.
Kim,
There are girls in our youth group that are facing some of the things that are disturbing. They go on the same retreats and to the same worship services as the rest of the girls. Make sure you keep the line of communication open with you girls about ANYTHING they may hear.
Kim,
I think I understand why you feel the need to apologize.
But, I too have read through most of the book and yes I agree that many of the stories Nancy and Dannah share may be disturbing to some young girls. And I am so THANKFUL to God that my own girls have not been exposed to most of these situations.
I don't think the heart of Nancy, Dannah, and the publisher is to expose girls to evil scenarios at all. Actually, I would believe their hope is to expose the enemy and bring him right into the light and truth of God's word.
The book is biblically sound and well written and brings the truth to so many lies that young woman believe.
I can totally respect the fact that you would not recommend it, but to see others just jump aboard makes me sad.
No, my thirteen year old will not be reading this book. Yes, it is grieving to hear of so many shocking stories. But as someone who has heard these same stories from girls in the church over the last twenty years of ministry, I am so thankful for these two ladies to not down play the lies that are going after the heart of our young women.
Kim - the last comment was from me. I couldn't sign in for some reason and I came back to try again.
I appreciate everyone's thoughts on this...my advice is for mom and dads to read it first.
I just didn't want to be recommending it when I didn't feel comfortable with some of the content.
I agree with others that a lot of it is biblically based and good...so, you have to evaluate it for your self...I just felt an obligation to honestly give my view on it and allow my readers to use caution and read it first if you are thinking about using it.
It is absolutely necessary to keep all lines of communication open...but why when I am trying to keep my girls hearts to think on pure things, would I be opening them up to impure situations that they would imagine and conjure up unhealthy thoughts about...I can teach and train them through a more positive way...but that is just me.
Again, I think this book can be very helpful for some and there may be a need for it...it is just not for us.
I am one who did order the book based on your recommendation. I will still read it for myself and appreciate your honesty about the fact that your feelings changed after reading parts of it.
I am torn about the subject that this has brought up. I do feel that it is important for us to remember that while we are commanded to focus on whatever is true, whatever is pure, whatever is noble...(phil 4;8) at the same time we cannot keep evil away from us as it dwells within us (though praise God we have His power to overcome our natural tendencies.)It is important to help guard and protect our children's hearts but sometimes I fear we think if they are not permitted to see anything "bad", we are doing our job. Of course, each family, before the Lord, has to discern age-appropriateness of this. We just do not want to be in a Christian bubble so to speak. As much as I cannot stand the thought, my children will be exposed to thoughts, beliefs and actions that are not God honoring at some point later in their lives. My husband and I want to help equip them to respond to this before they leave our home.
I appreciated Chris' comment and think she did a better job of communicating what I am trying to echo. ;) Anyway, topics like this keep us on our knees before the Lord asking for His wisdom.
for the record:
There is nothing I have ever seen heard or read to make me think that you and your husband need to be corrected in the way you raise your kids. The only thing i have seen are things that I need to mimic. There are numerous counseing situations that I have had to deal with that have made me start to have to think of how I want my girls to find out about these things. I grew up in a Christian home, at BCLR, at a Christian school and had heard about most of these things from my peers by age 10
Hi Kim!! Thank you for sharing this!!! I've seen the book, but haven't picked it up to look at it yet.
Have you considered emailing Nancy Leigh DeMoss about this? If this book ever goes to a 2nd printing, perhaps she could edit out some unnecessary things??
His,
Mrs. U
Thanks for the heads up! My copy is on its way...so I'm glad I read your concerns. I have 2 small boys and bought it with the intent that we work with teens. I am so sad to hear about this. I legitimize your concerns and say "Hooray" for you for doing the right thing for your daughter. I was very excited about the book upon listening to the 2 radio broadcasts about it. Maybe it would be more helpful for more "troubled or experienced" girls. Thank the Lord that your daughter is not one of those. The fact that you are so involved and that your daughter was so honest and open with you are both wonderful signs. Great job!!!
Thank you so much for sharing your convictions in this post! I came across your blog while on Pandapalooza's so I thought I'd check it out :) I wrote a post recently myself called "What Women Read" that is along the same lines of what you were concerned about with this particular book. Thanks again!
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